From a young age, many of us grew up swooning over men who don’t exist outside the pages of a book. Mr. Darcy, Edward Cullen, Peter Kavinsky—the mysterious boy with emotional wounds and a heart of gold. Literature and film sold us the idea that true love looks like an impossible romance that only works out when he changes for love. And we believed it. So much so that many of us went out into the real world expecting that same storyline, hoping someone would come save us from the ordinary and make everything feel cinematic.
But at some point, uncomfortable questions start to arise: What if that literary love we longed for isn’t what we truly deserve? What if, instead of waiting for it, we should be writing a new story altogether?
This isn’t about mocking those of us who fell into that trap – I, myself, dreamed of living a story written by Jojo Moyes or Jenny Han. It’s about recognizing the shift many of us are experiencing. We’re beginning to understand that there’s nothing more powerful than choosing ourselves instead of waiting for someone to choose us.
Romanticizing life isn’t a bad thing. But romanticizing a man who only exists on paper—and expecting the next crush to act like him—can be dangerous. We wait for grand gestures, forgive things we shouldn’t, or accept crumbs, thinking, this is just the start of the story.
Thankfully, things are changing. Women are no longer searching for a grand love – they’re building grand lives. They’re realizing the most romantic version of themselves doesn’t require anyone else. Sure, we still enjoy our books and cry during rom-coms, but not from longing – from empowered enjoyment.
We’re also learning to spot the red flags we used to call “passion.” That emotionally unavailable guy who turns good at the end of the book might make for a fun read – but in real life, it often ends in heartbreak. And too often, we’re the ones breaking, trying to fix or “save” someone who never asked for it.
The bravest thing we can do is stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing ourselves. To realize we deserve love that doesn’t hurt, companionship that doesn’t confuse, and lives where we’re not settling for less than what we give.
Now, many of us are rewriting the ending. Not because we’ve stopped believing in love – but because we believe in healthier, more authentic love. One that doesn’t ask to be rescued but to be accompanied. And if someone comes along who fits into that story, that’s wonderful. But if not? The book is still worth reading.
Because in the end, it’s not about giving up on dreams – it’s about dreaming differently. Dreaming from a place where we’re not just the readers… we’re also the authors.
So here’s to the women choosing their own paths, turning the page, and writing a love story that starts with self-love – and maybe, just maybe, ends with someone who was never the whole story, just a beautiful chapter.
ROARA Magazine 